Below, we’ve compiled some of our most frequently asked questions. If you can’t find an answer to your question, please contact us – we’d be happy to discuss your unique concerns.
Do I need a lawyer for mediation?
Do you offer discounts for low-income parties?
How many hours does a typical mediation take?
What if we can’t reach a resolution on all of our issues?
Can we re-negotiate the Agreement later if our situations change?
I paid for a 2 hour session, but we only used 1.5 hours – can I get a refund?
Can I pay after the mediation?
Who typically pays for the mediation?
What if I don’t like mediation?
I am a victim of abuse. Is online mediation right for me?
What if one party breaks our postnuptial or prenuptial agreement?
My partner and I are discussing children. He/She wants me to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mother/father, but I’m uncomfortable giving up my financial security. Can a postnuptial help protect me?
We would like to update our pre- or postnuptial agreement – can we do that with you?
You’ve helped us reach an agreement on our issues during the mediation, but we would prefer to draw up the contracts ourselves – can we do this?
One of us is a high-profile figure. Is mediation truly confidential?
Do I need a lawyer for mediation?
In short, it is your choice whether or not to hire legal representation.
But no, you do not need to hire a lawyer to attend a mediation. In fact, the entire process can be done without a lawyer. However, you are welcome to bring a lawyer with you to your mediation appointments if you like. You must simply inform us first, so that we can give ample notification to the other party.
There are three options that we generally see:
- Both parties attend mediation without hiring legal representation
- Both parties attend mediation with their respective legal representation
- Both parties hire legal representation but attend the mediation without their attorneys
Generally speaking, most parties match what the other party does, so they may both agree to mediation with or without lawyers. If one party hires a lawyer and the other does not, there can be an uneven balance of power between the parties. We do not allow one party to “surprise” the other party by bringing a lawyer to mediation without ample warning.
Do you offer discounts for low-income parties?
We already offer rates far below the average for mediation services. However, at this time we do not offer an additional discount for low-income parties. If you would like us to keep you informed about future developments, please contact us.
How many hours does a typical mediation take?
It’s hard to define a typical mediation. Some parties come to us with a single issue, while others come to us with 20 issues that need resolution. In general, more issues usually means more time. Also, attitude is important. If the parties are motivated to resolve their issues and focused on positive communication, we tend to see much quicker results. Some mediations can be resolved in the initial 2-hour mediation. Some may take upwards of 20 hours. An average divorce mediation with moderately motivated parties tends to take between 5-10 hours.
What if we can’t reach a resolution on all of our issues?
This is a very real possibility. In this case, the parties may decide to draft an Agreement on the issues they were able to resolve and then take the remaining issue(s) to court.
Another option is to agree to binding arbitration after a certain deadline. For example, the parties may decide on a time limit (such as one month) or a budget (such as 20 hours of mediation), and whatever issues remain upon the table will be settled by the neutral mediator familiar with the case who will from that point on act as arbitrator and come to a fair decision.
Can we re-negotiate the Agreement later if our situations change?
Yes. If one of you loses your job or decides to take employment in another state (which may affect parenting time), or any other number of reasons, you may choose to reopen one or all issues within the original Agreement. Of course, each party has the right to refuse, in which case the alternative is court.
I paid for a 2 hour session, but we only used 1.5 hours – can I get a refund?
Sometimes it makes sense to end a mediation session early, especially if tensions run high or communication breaks down. In these situations, we encourage the mediator to end the session early, so as not to waste our clients’ time and money. The remaining time will be credited to your next mediation session or towards drafting your mediation Agreement. If you decide to not return to mediation, we do not issue refunds, however you are welcome to transfer the balance to a friend or family member who may be interested in our services (within twelve months of the date of payment).
Can I pay after the mediation?
No, we insist on payment up front. In fact, if we have not received payment 48 hours in advance of your appointment, the appointment will be cancelled, out of respect for the mediator’s time.
Who typically pays for the mediation?
Most parties split the cost 50/50. However, you are welcome to come to your own agreement regarding payment.
What if I don’t like mediation?
You are here voluntarily. You are welcome to quit the entire process at any time. You are welcome to leave any session if you become uncomfortable. You are also welcome to request to turn the parties’ video and/or audio off or to speak privately with the mediator. You are welcome to request a private caucus or audience with the mediator at any time. In some cases the mediator may decide to separate the parties and only speak with them individually, acting as a go-between. In very rare cases, the mediation can rely solely on email correspondence between the parties and the mediator.
I am a victim of abuse. Is online mediation right for me?
Sometimes someone going through a divorce has been subjected to physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional abuse by their partner. This can lead to the victim feeling intimidated by their soon-to-be ex partner, which could cause them to accept unreasonable negotiations. If the mediator feels that unfair power dynamics are in play, the mediator has the right to call off the mediation entirely or to temporarily halt the mediation until both parties have employed legal representation.
This being said, many people feel that mediating a case of domestic violence is better suited to an online, digital forum than an in-person forum. The flexibility of the Zoom platform is well-suited for this purpose. Parties may choose whether or not to use video and even audio when addressing the other party. The victim may choose to leave his or her video off when in the “room” with the abuser. The victim may choose to disable audio and communicate to the other party via the chat function, thereby depersonalizing the experience further. One party may even choose to communicate only to the mediator who will then pass messages on to the other party; this is known as “shuttle mediation.” With shuttle mediation, it is possible for the entire mediation to be conducted without the parties confronting each other directly.
The mediator’s job is not to pass judgment or determine whether claims are truthful but to facilitate open and constructive communication between the parties. In general, mediations are entirely confidential. However, if there is mention of harm toward a child or threats of violence toward a person, the mediator may have an ethical obligation to inform the proper authorities.
What if one party breaks our postnuptial or prenuptial agreement?
Postnuptial and prenuptial agreements work in a very similar way. The main difference is that a prenuptial agreement is drawn up before a marriage and a postnuptial is drawn up after a marriage.
A prenuptial agreement is often formed to protect familial wealth between the parties. The agreement may basically just call for both parties to keep any inheritance, salaries, or gifts they received before or during the marriage. A prenuptial agreement can also be quite extensive, outlining duties each party will take on within the marriage.
A postnuptial agreement is often formed as an attempt to save a struggling relationship. Rather than opting to divorce, the parties may choose to sign a formal Agreement stating what roles they agree to hold within the relationship – this may be as detailed as to declare which party washes dishes on Mondays.
Both pre- and postnuptial agreements tend to lay out what will happen in the alternative if one or both parties fail to live up to their side of the agreement. This simplifies and expedites the divorce process, as the division of debts and assets has already been agreed upon. It can also offer motivation to the parties to act in good faith in their attempts to reconcile issues within the marriage.
However, it is important to note that the marriage only dissolves once one party has decided the infractions of the other party are beyond what they can accept and the relationship can no longer be salvaged. At this point, that party should file for a divorce, utilizing the signed and notarized agreement. You will not be automatically “divorced” if one party is unable to perform a role as specified in the agreement, unless the other party enforces the agreement.
My partner and I are discussing children. He/She wants me to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mother/father, but I’m uncomfortable giving up my financial security. Can a postnuptial help protect me?
Yes, in fact this topic represents a growing number of both prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. It is a scary thought to consider leaving a career or failing to pursue a career for the goal of raising children. In the past, many who have chosen this road have been rewarded with divorce by a hostile ex-partner, intent on keeping as much of the couples’ money as possible, often with the argument that they “earned it all.”
It is not unreasonable for one party to request financial protection for the future in case the relationship fails. On the contrary, it encourages both parties to look at the situation from different angles and truly analyze the costs and benefits of their decisions. With a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement protecting the stay-at-home party, they can rest easy knowing they are financially protected.
We would like to update our pre- or postnuptial agreement – can we do that with you?
Yes, if both parties are in agreement about changing an agreement, that is definitely allowed! Even if we did not help you with the original agreement, we would be happy to help you make updates to a new agreement.
You’ve helped us reach an agreement on our issues during the mediation, but we would prefer to draw up the agreement ourselves – can we do this?
Yes, you don’t actually need to be an attorney to draft an agreement or a contract, although legal training DOES help to make the agreement binding. If you would like to draft your own agreement, you are welcome to do so (although we do recommend that this be done by a professional). You are also welcome to take the agreed-upon issues to a neutral attorney for drafting.
We offer the service as a third-party neutral to help simplify the mediation experience. We are happy to allow you to source the drafting of the agreement outside of our interactions.
One of us is a high-profile figure. Is mediation truly confidential?
Yes, mediation is truly confidential with some very limited exceptions. Prior to the mediation, both parties will sign a confidentiality agreement. The other party can be held legally liable if information from the mediation makes its way into the public space. However, there are certain issues that may trigger that confidentiality to be broken. For example, if either party states that a child has been harmed, the mediator is ethically bound to report the incident to the local child protective services. Additionally, if either party threatens to hurt another person, the mediator will be ethically bound to report the threat.
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